Been on my poetry grind lately, even though it’s been nowhere near the quality or quantity of material I once produced. Hurting me right now that I’ve got to admit it.

it’s unsettling
to see ur feelings unraveling
unfolding
ur heart is cracking
apart and babbling
and u see the pieces back again
back together again
like it’s scrabble
but it’s more like scrambled eggs
not ur brain on
but ur phase gone
from the days gone
when u had plans to change last names hun
what can i say hun?
one changes
love changes
and best friends become lovers
then strangers
so strange huh?
can u explain it.
i know u can’t b/c i was the one that changed us
got not much to say but
it’s getting feeble
i stuck it with a needle
gave it the evil of hiv
had a change of heart
so i stuck it with a needle
then gave it a boost of cells t
and put it on iv
we might be something u see on tv…
it might be too late tho.

I’ll get back to it soon enough.

It dawned on me slow yet strongly
The thought and longing – the hand of God is upon me.
Despite the wrongs that I spawn, seeds
That grow into scrawny long green weeds
The hand of God is upon me.
It moves me along like a rook or a pawn
Or a knight or a king, in dreams and in songs.
Despite the words and thoughts, and the emotions in which I’m lost
I take up my cross.
The hand of God is upon me.

-Nalej Bonz

Going through it right now. Sometimes I get the feeling that life is just slipping through my fingers. But I’m confident that things will get better – even if they have to get worse beforehand. I know that God has a plan for me.